The Tragedy of the Week

I'm writing this post to save all of you from making the tragic mistake I made last week. Let me explain. I was in the mood for a delicious milk shake, a nice chocolatey cup of joy that I could savor after the long work day. Rarely do I treat myself to such joys. It was pretty late at night, so not much was open. I thought to myself "O, I bet Burger King has milkshakes!" (Little did I know this thought was mistake #1). I went through the drive thru and ordered a medium chocolate milkshake, then went to the window to receive a large cup instead. I was instantly excited that I had paid for the medium and got 'upgraded' to the large for free. I was so eager to vask in my delicious large chocolate treat, but upon first sip...NO! It tasted like straight syrup. Instead of the medium milkshake I ordered, I got a large milkSUCK. That's this week's lesson kids, don't go to Burger King for milkshakes. Your heart will be broken and you'll wish you had your $3 back.

MacGyver

Hi friends,

Today I had what we all dream and desire to have in our lives. Some of us strive for it every day, some of us yearn for it in our sleep. We know if it doesn't happen then life was not at 100%. Sure, we could get to 95%, but the last 5% is all about the MacGyver moment.

This morning I put on a purple shirt (it's purple friday, duh!) and was told, once I got to work, that I had a hideous stain on my right sleeve (by my shoulder). This was not just a normal little stain (my first thought was that I spilled the pumpkin latte I had this morning on myself...mmmm pumpkin) but no, this stain is HUGE and evil. It is more brown than Michael Jackson was as a kid (am I allowed to still make fun of him even though he died?). So what did I do? I had a MACGYVER MOMENT.

I retrieved a paperclip from my desk drawer, rolled up my sleeve, and placed the paper clip underneath so you can't see it. AMAZING. I am very impressed with myself, but I really owe it to MacGyver for the inspiration. Thanks buddy.

Amish Gone Wild

Okay so it's been WAY too long since I've written anything. I have really failed. I'm like the kid that gets picked last in gym class...or the pimple that won't go away on prom night....or that itch you can't scratch in public. I apologize, and will try to remedy this with a post tonight.

Tonight I was talking to a friend of mine who lives in Amish country. Yes, she's that cool. She said the following statement: "It's Amish Sunday, every horse and buggy is on the road!" As many of you know, I have a random and quirky mind. This caused me to think "What would happen if Amish went wild?" Here's what I came up with.

1. They'd turn on a light
2. Amish women would expose skin (i.e. an elbow, or even worse...a shoulder!)
3. Hay wouldn't just be for horses (if ya know what I mean)
4. They'd be like "F*** You, Butter!" And switch to I can't Believe it's Not Butter
5. They'd be like "F*** You, God!" and skip church on Sunday
6. Instead of riding in the buggy they'd give the buggy a ride
7. They'd be like "Dude I blacked out last night!" when in reality they just never lit any candles
8. Instead of just cows they'd milk everything just for the hell of it (mmm mm mm for the smell of it....Shoop reference)
9. Amish guys would walk up to girls and be like "Hey girl, I wanna go "pasteurize" tonight...get it? say it slowly...bam!
10. 'Rumspringa' will become a beloved cocktail

Those are just a few of the ways that Amish could go wild...hope you enjoyed :)

The Swishy Stealer

Hi all,

I write to you today as a victim of a horrendous crime. I was going to get gas for my car, and looked at the windows realizing they were in need of the swishy (ya know, the brush gas stations offer to clean your car...I named it the swishy because it makes the water swish away from your windows...yea, you think it's weird now but you'll be calling it that soon enough). Anyway, I looked in the swishy container that was right next to MY gas pump, and it was empty. I figured the station had taken it out, or maybe it had gone to swishy heaven. NO! A moment later an old guy, like old enough to be Joan Rivers husband old, comes by with the swishy. I think, again, that now he is going to give it back as he sees that my adorable self and car are in need of a swishy. NO! He simply dips it into the water, then takes it AGAIN over to HIS gas pump on the other side of the station! WTF people...W T F. I felt very violated. It is so wrong to take a swishy, so wrong.

Larry King: America's Sexiest Bachelor

I had been spending my days like all single girls...eating ice cream, crying, and watching Oprah...feeling meaningless in today's world when ALAS! News that would change my life forever came to surface. Larry King, the sexiest man in America, is going to be the next "Bachelor." Of course, upon hearing this news I jumped with glee, put on my best pair of red pumps, and went to apply for the show...online. How so you attract a winner like Larry King? I figured I'd start by mentioning that eight is my favorite number, so it must be meant to be. Below is my love poem that I submitted for Larry.



Dear Larry,

I like the number eight,
It must be fate!
With or without the eye patch,
You're the perfect catch!
You've aged like wine,
I'm a sucker for those age lines!
You always look great in the news,
After I've had a lot of booze!
Yes Larry, this is our time,
Please accept my proposal within this rhyme

Love Always,

Lucky Number 8

Tiger or me...Who's getting their Masters in 2010?

No, I didn't watch the Masters Tournament today. I had much more important things to do like sleep, talk on the phone, and procrastinate with my school work. Hello! However, I did catch the buzz that Tiger came in 4th at the tournament. This made me content. I happen to believe in karma, and the dude who won seems like a nice guy. I don't know much about him, but he seems to be faithful to his wife. That's more than some other golfers can say. Some readers may argue that Tiger did apologize, and/or that his personal life shouldn't interfere what you think of his golf game. I'd like to point out that Tiger himself is now in the horrible Nike ad where he uses his dead Dad's voice "reprimanding" him to sell some sneakers. I'm sure Dad's ghost is pissed that he's not seeing those royalties.

As far as golf goes, I'll stick to the miniature kind. Much less scandalous. And I'll still get a Masters this year. Sorry Tiger.

Infestation of Germs

It's the second day of Spring...birds are singing, trees and plants are coming back to life, and students everywhere are exposing me to germs. Let me explain. Last week was our Spring Break on campus. I had a week of relaxing work, no class, easy to find parking spaces, and much more. Unfortunately Spring Break ended yesterday. I was first reminded that all students are back when the parking lot was at its normal capacity this morning (thank GOODNESS I have a faculty/staff parking permit)! The second friendly reminder was when I almost got hit on the pedestrian crossing by students who speed through those. The third reminder, even better, was when I went to the bathroom before class and had to listen to the girl in the next stall getting sick. Now, there is a strong reason that I am not in the medical profession...I get queasy really easily. Hearing that made me feel nauseous all day. Then I get to class and there are students coughing all around me. At work, there's a kid sitting two cubes over who is coughing up a lung. Germs are back, and they are everywhere!

Attitude

Had the fortune of reading this today at work. It is now one of my favorite things so I couldn't resist but to share :).

The longer I live
The more I realize the impact of
Attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important
Than the past,
Than education,
Than money,
Than circumstances,
Than failures,
Than success,
Than what other people
Think or say or do.

It is more important than
Appearance,
Giftedness or skill.
It will make or break
An organization,
A school, a home.

The remarkable thing is
We have a choice every day
Regarding the attitude
We will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past.
We cannot change the fact that
People will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do
Is play the string we have.
And that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is
10 percent what happens to me and
90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you.

--- By Charles Swindell

What happened to dreaming in real life?

I just caught myself. Realized that when I was young I used to dream all the time. I wanted to be an actress for years. I wanted to be a dancer. I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. I had a mad crush on my gym teacher in elementary school (which explains my current crush on George Clooney...I have a thing for older men). Currently, I have been saying "I hope to get a job after May" or "I hope I do well on this test next week." Yes, these are responsibilities. There is no fantasy attached. I'm not saying that adults should live in a fantasy world (I know some do, hello Star Trek exbos) but I am saying that I need to incorporate some of that dreaming back into my life. Hell, I have the word dream tattooed on me and I am letting it down right now.


So, in effort to reconnect with dreaming, I would like to become a published author. I have not decided if I will remain anonymous. I'd like to be the person people call when they are looking for a good speaker for public events. I want to be in a commercial of some sort...don't have to even talk, I'd settle for being in the background. Or a music video, or movie. I want to go to Ireland and make friends with people from the country who have awesome accents.

What are your dreams?

And the Oscar for Most Awkward goes to....

Watching the Oscars, and as Kristen Stewart comes up to present I think to myself "Okay, did they not see her on any other award show?!" She continually displays an innate awkwardness and inability to get through one sentence in front of a live audience. She also looks completely miserable while going through this painful moment. At this year's Oscars she continued scratching the back of her head and then awkwardly fake coughed during the middle of her sentence. Seriously, look at her picture. The chick does NOT look thrilled to be there. Due to this, I award her 2010's Oscar for "Best Awkward Actress"



My second Oscar for "Best Supporting Awkward Actress" goes to Cameron Diaz. Now, I happen to not be a huge fan of Cameron Diaz (come on now, how different are her characters in each movie?) so this may come off as ever so slightly biased (I know, me, biased? Hard to believe). But dear Cameron was awkwardly tall this year. Now I respect tall girls as I am one myself but Cameron must have worn some crazy heels because she towered over everyone and looked like the jolly gold giant instead of the model look she was probably striving for. It was really fun to watch people try to interview her, while their head was right at her chest and they were stretching their neck upward and extending their arm fully to accomplish communication :).

Psychology Results

I'm in a PSYCH class this semester as my elective and we took two personality tests as a part of it: the NEO PI R and the Myers Briggs. I thought my blog readers (all 5 of you) might find my results semi-interesting.

The NEO is scored in five categories: OCEAN. I scored really high in Neuroticism (no shock there!) but as much as I call myself neurotic, it actually means that I react to things emotionally, which is true. Next was extroversion, where I scored on the low average side...totally agree with that as I refer to myself as an "outgoing introvert." After that is Openness, I scored low haha. I was a little disappointed with myself because I know I used to be pretty judgmental but thought I had opened up pretty well in recent years. Looks like I still have some work to do. Next was agreeableness, I scored low on that too...ha. Wasn't a shock because I am not quick at all to trust people and almost always have my guard up. Last is consciousness, and I scored low on that too (what the heck?!). This was a bit of a surprise at first, but then I realized yea...I really have no order in my life if I am left on my own (take now, when I was being productive then tuned on Pandora and started typing this blog). So basically, the NEO confirmed that I am literally a hot mess...which I already knew :).

Myers Briggs scored me as INFP- Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceptive. All fit me extremely well. Once again, I scored high in reacting emotionally and low on use of logical/rational thinking :-p. Definitely makes sense, I mean look at my past posts! I would never want to change though, that's the sick thing!

Cross Country Ski Racing- About as much fun as watching paint dry

I happened to catch a bit of the Olympics while out last night and had forgotten about my least favorite sport. Cross Country Skiing. Why? Because they look like they're just walking...on skis. Where is the fun? Where are the jumps? Where is the 90mph? These types of things are what I expect to watch when I turn on the Olympics. Cross Country Ski Racing is dreadfully painful to view. It makes me wonder why people want to do it, and want to pursue it professionally. Did they think to themselves "Well, walking is my best skill...I think I'll be a Cross Country Skier?" How does that thought process come about?

Now if I were in the Olympics, of course I'd pick Curling. Curling is where it's at. I'd be one of the broom people that spaz out on the ice. That is what the Olympics is really all about. You may argue that curling does not have the speed or jumps I was previously referencing. HOWEVER, curling makes up for it with a massive level of intensity. You can see what I mean by viewing the picture below.

Ladies Room

Today while in the Ladies bathroom I felt inspired to clump girls into category based on bathroom behavior. I have such an odd, random mind. Enjoy :).



O, if you are a male reading this, let me know if any apply to a Male Bathroom as well!

The Ladies Room
The Ladies Room is an interesting watering hole where one can witness unique behavior. Below are some of the types you may find within:

1. The Speedster
These girls go to the bathroom like dudes. In, out, no lollygagging.

2. The Frequent Visitor
This person is in the bathroom ALL the time. Maybe they live there?

3. The Cringer
Cringers are the opposite of the Frequent Visitor. They believe that girls should not be in the bathroom, and they cringe if sited by someone they know.

4. The Lollygagger
The Lollygagger is a girl who has done her business but refuses to leave the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror and constantly examining her hair, this girl is hard for the Speedster to get around.

5. The Quaint Crapper
This girl has to drop it bad, but is afraid (because due to common sexism rules girls are not allowed to do that). So, this girl tries to cover up what she is really doing with other noises.

6. The Staller
Similar to the Lollygagger, this girl remains in the stall even after the toilet is flushed for an enormously long amount of time.

7. The Vain
A step up from the Lollygagger. This girl finds the bathroom the perfect place to perform her beauty rituals (i.e.: makeup application, etc).

8. The Yapper
Yappers often travel in groups, and talk to each other all the way to the bathroom, while in the stalls, and by the sinks. Often annoy the Lollygaggers.

Stage 5 Clinger: Aftermath

Hi Kids,

Well, you may notice that my blog name has changed. There is a reason for this: trying to avoid the Stage 5 Clinger.



Basically, BEFORE I even went out on one date with this guy, he kept texting me several times throught the day. I was busy, as I often am, and did not care to respond to every single message. We were going to hang out the next day, but he later said "I haven't heard much from you, so if you changed your mind about hanging out that is okay." I thought wow, dude, I only waited a few hours to text you back...and this was a Saturday, when you knew I was busy. Wowzers. Despite my better sense, I went out with him any way (Why? Because I need to learn lessons the hard way) and thought I clearly established by the end of the date that I was not feeling him but would be open to being friends (despite the clinginess from the day before, I had a really good time hanging out with him and was genuine when I said that). Apparently that didn't translate well because at first he responded saying he couldn't be friends with me for a while, and about five minutes later asked if I wanted to come over so he could make me dinner tomorrow night. Say wha??? I said no, that would make me uncomfortable, and again repeated that we could hang out as friends later in the week. He seemed okay. This morning I get an email from him calling me Babe and etc, and when I wrote back reminding him of the conversation we had last night, he said he was confused. I responded saying look, I think it's a bad idea for us to hang out because you seem to have misintepreted what I said last night. He said "I thought I was clear, it's the best idea for us to never talk again." Haha, wow, so dramatic!

Any way, as a result, I changed the name of the blog to make it harder for him to find. Note to guys out there: please learn from this and take a hint the first time. It is so painful when us girls try to be nice and we get psychoism in return. Man, guys can really learn from my horrible dating experiences :). I hate dating, have I said that before? I hope he doesn't find this new blog :).

Positive Thinking Update

By the way, Thursday I got some very good news from school. Both of my bossed really want me to work at school after graduation so I am really hoping for something to pull through. I also randomly ran into one of my coworkers today and she told me that another guy I want to work for approached her and mentioned that he is interested in having me work for him (still at school). So exciting :)! I am doing all I can to picture myself getting that job offer I want. Positive thinking :)!

Changing the World: One thought at a time

For Lent this year I've decided to give up negative thinking and focus on the positive. This is an endeavor that a good friend and I are taking on together, and I think it will be great to see the difference in can make in our lives within the next 40 days. I plan to blog about the positive results I receive because of this endeavor.

I'm doing this because I've realized that I'm naturally drawn to doubting/insulting myself (for instance, on Monday I made a simple mistake at work and without even thinking blurted out "I'm an idiot" to my boss). Afterward, it bothered me that I am so quick to be mean to myself, whereas if that would have been a friend or coworker, I would have been sitting there telling them how great they were. I really want to focus on the great, positive things I have in my life and see what can happen with a focus on positive energy. Will everyday be perfect? No, that's not what this is about. This is about thinking positive, and believing in yourself. I encourage everyone to try the same. Hopefully some great things will happen in the next 40 days to convince people that this works.

Kayaking to Taiwan

As part of my job I maintain a project database and someone just put in a project happening overseas. The website features a map so I thought it would be fun to include an address in Taiwan as a fun visual. I just Google map directions from here to Taiwan, and I LOVED my results:

Driving directions to Taiwan
11,759 mi – about 39 days 5 hours
Suggested routes

37. Turn right at NE Northlake Way 1.0 mi
38. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean 2,756 mi
39. Continue straight 0.1 mi
40. Turn left at Kuilima Dr 0.5 mi
41. Take the 3rd right onto HI-83 W/Kamehameha Hwy 12.4 mi
42. Continue onto HI-99 S 8.6 mi
43. Take the Interstate H2 S ramp to Honolulu 0.2 mi
44. Merge onto I-H-2 S 7.9 mi
45. Merge onto I-H-1 E 4.7 mi
46. Take exit 13B toward Halawa Hts. Stadium 0.3 mi
47. Merge onto I-H-201 E 4.1 mi
48. Merge onto I-H-1 E 4.1 mi
49. Take exit 23 for Punahou St toward Waikiki/Manoa 0.2 mi
50. Turn right at Punahou St 0.1 mi
51. Take the 1st right onto S Beretania St 0.1 mi
52. Take the 1st left onto Kalakaua Ave 1.9 mi
53. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean 3,879 mi



I hope you noticed #38 and #53...I have to kayak across the Pacific Ocean, twice! Where do you expect me to find a kayak in February, Google?

Superbowl Win, Commercials Fail

The Superbowl was a win as Saints triumphed over the Colts (I'm a Baltimore Ravens fan, and it's in my blood to hate the Colts). Despite this, Superbowl commercials this year left much to be desired. Sure, there were a few funnies ( I did like the budlight voicebox commercial because I get amused easily), but nothing that really broke the mold and made me wanna run out, risk my life in the massive snow, and buy their product. It seemed like budlight had about 500 commercials...a bit much.

In other news, we have 30" of snow outside which is 30" too many. I now look at snow the way I would imagine an 80 year old man who can't really see and just fractured his hip looks at snow...its not my friend. I don't exactly have a 4 wheel drive vehicle, nor do I own a shovel, so blizzards and I don't really get along. I'm quite antsy for spring....St. Pattys Day, warmth, St. Pattys Day, flowers blooming, St. Pattys Day....did I say St. Pattys Day?

FML x2

So I just put my face into one of those celebrity lookalike website for the popular Doppelganger week on Facebook. It told me I look like Josh Groban. FML.

Dream log: Submission 1

I decided to start keeping a dream log because my dreams are hella weird yet very entertaining. I will also include various definitions from my favorite dream dictionary, www.dreammoods.com.

Last night I dreamt that one of my friends was having a party at her parent's place. I wanted to go, but I had busted my right knee and had to be on crutches (this has significance because I really did bust my right knee in 8th grade and was on crutches for a while). Somehow, I drove my car but once I got off the highway I couldn't remember how to get to her house. For some reason I was doing the dude thing of driving around aimlessly instead of asking for directions :-p. Once I finally remembered, traffic was horrible and I was super late for the party at this point. I decided to park about a mile away and hobble up a road while it was pouring down rain. I planned on asking my friend for a ride back to my car after the party, haha.

Here are the interpretations:

Driving
To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals.�If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are have difficulties in achieving your goals and the changes associated with it.�Alternatively, driving a car in your dream, is analogous to your sex life and sexual performance. Consider how you are driving and what kind of car you are driving and how it relates to your waking sex life.

Lost
To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

Rain
To dream that you get wet from the rain, indicates cleansing from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes fertility and renewal.

Crutches
To dream that you are on crutches, signifies your need to lean on others for help. Perhaps you are acting helpless in order to get out of some situation or obligation.

I think the Driving Interpretation is hilarious. What does that say since I was driving with a busted knee? Hmm. The Lost thing I can see to be true because I am definitely worried about finding a job before graduating in May. I guess it's good I'm fertile, thanks rain. Also, I can't figure out what I am leaning on others for...I'm stubbornly independent by nature and hate asking for help.

FML

Today I put (what I thought was) two pieces of solid chocolate in my pocket this afternoon at work, then forgot bout them....then they melted in my pocket. Best part, they had peanut butter in them. I hate peanut butter and now smell like it and so does my room...FML :).

I'm 26, and I still do these things :). I can't help laughing and thinking what if this happened right before a job interview. Nothing says "hire me" like melted chocolate in the pocket.

Bad Football Weekend

Well, the Ravens really did it this time. Came out playing strong in the first quarter, giving us fans a false sense of hope. Then by the second quarter they started to majorly suck...got dumb penalties and made stupid decisions. The highlight of my night was that I had pretty awesome chicken tenders at the bar where I was watching...at least I got something good out of those few hours :-p. I

In other news, I'm watching Food Network and they're making ravioli, yum. I really wish I could cook. Now that I see them making it, I want to make it. But then I think about everything that realistically involves...buying all the ingredients at the store, taking all the prep and cook time and etc, and I think I'm just too lazy when I know I can call the italian place right up the street and get great ravioli for $7 (WITH garlic bread I might add). Now I really want ravioli...

Holy Random

The weirdest thing happened today proving to me that my life is hella random and hilarious. My sister and I are in the same class at college this semester. Sure that sounds like it happens all the time, but let me explain the events that had to occur for this to happen. For my program, I have to take one elective. I can pick from a variety of fields (Psychology, Sociology, Art, Literature, Womens Studies, etc). I decided to try out a Womens Studies class last semester but I hated it, so I dropped it after the first night. I decided to wait and take the elective this semester, and was trying to decide between Sociology or Psychology. I decided on two different Psychology courses, but I had to email each professor to get permission to enter the class. Both got back to me, so I then had to narrow it down to one. My sister is a Psych major whose advisor gave her certain classes to pick from and she picked the same class! Turns out that my Dad who teaches on campus is in the room next door around the same time too...ha!

Go RAVENS!

Playoffs Round #1 tomorrow :)

LARPing in 2010

Dear Blog,

I am so sorry for neglecting you in 2009. You see, I lost a bit of myself for a while and wasn't writing, but I'm back in 2010, better than ever! I'm like the Phoenix that rose from the ashes...except I really don't like smoke so I guess I'm not a phoenix. I would say I'm a newborn baby but babies are annoying after a while like when they start crying and etc so I guess I don't want to compare myself to a baby. I'll say I'm one of those flowers that dies in the winter then grows back in the spring...which ones do that? Maybe I should garden...that would get me domestic points. Right now I'm at 0 domestic points.

Sincerely,

Me

Any way, as usual, my dating life is a hot mess. I decided I shouldn't date for a while then I did, which is what I usually do, Recently I went out with this guy who was smart, handsome, etc but there was one huge flaw...he LARPed. That's right kids, he dressed up like a knight in random forests and saved damsels in distress. Even though I enjoyed the Medieval Times restaurant when I went (once) I don't think I could date feeling like every night was a night at that place. As much as every girl wants to feel like a princess, I think it would get old. I can only wear dresses every so often and my hair isn't nearly long enough.